A few days ago I finished reading another of John Green's books, which is filled with a lot of literary deliciousness, and one of the phrases was the title of this blog post -- mysterium tremendum et facinans -- which roughly translates (via the book) as, "that stomach flipping mix of awestruck fear and entrancing fascination." (Abundance of Katherines, pp 36)
I'm trying to manipulate said quote to my current emotional state -- I both have a nervousness and excitability in me that is, for lack of a better word, a bit overwhelming. It hit me yesterday, and has been in the pit of my stomach ever since (though, it could just be the Malaria medication).
I think there are several reasons for this; (1) I've never flown or gone anywhere (aside from camp) without my parents, and it is not the scared component, its just that this is a bit out of routine, so I guess it just feels weird. (2) I am actually going to be responsible for a number of patients, and that, frankly, is very frightening and exciting (this probably should have been number 1). It's not even the interaction with the patients, its just the fact that they are going to be putting so much trust in me to give them the right information. This seems silly when I read it back, but it is the only way that I can describe it. But I have faith that once I'm down there and actually interacting, their faith in me and my knowledge will just kick in and I will be thinking, "nervousness, what nervousness?"
But on top of this overwhelming nervousness, I feel a deep fascination because I love traveling, even though I don't do it a lot; I love learning about and experiencing cultures old and new and the way in which they live their lives. I am ready to get away from the normal routine that I have here and embark on a new routine, a routine, which I am sure will change me for the better.
I'll try to update from Belize.
Side note: I really hope I cited that correctly; I can already hear my HS English teacher yelling at me that that was wrong.
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